If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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