I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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