Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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