elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
