I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
