she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
