I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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