my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
