I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
