he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
