dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize