Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
