i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
