i will never coherently bang her
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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