She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
