are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The adults are the big ones right?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
