im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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