Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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