So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
