gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
