So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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