Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
