I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
