Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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