my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
