we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
