If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
