omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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