Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
