And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize