I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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