how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
