Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
