a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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