I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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