The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
