Plan B is the new Plan A
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
