I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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