went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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