peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I stole a fireplace last night.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Randomize
