so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm always down for nudity.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
