she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
