Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
