yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
