so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
