if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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