I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
