This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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