im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
