haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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