there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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