you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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