I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
