THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
