I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
