You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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