then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
