the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
