real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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