"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
