Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
