you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
