Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
