Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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