Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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