i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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