help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
