That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
