You're so nebulous sometimes
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
