you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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