He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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