your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
