ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
