We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
