i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
