Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
