Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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