my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
