I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
