True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize