oh god the rape fog is back!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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