He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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