I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
