I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
