I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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