During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
