I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize