I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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